It is the dawning of the age of...
not so much "Aquarius" as...
It truly is, and I just thought you should know.
I'm trying to plan out my upcoming semester...
I have registered for classes, but I'm having serious doubts.
I hated the degree of stress that permeated my life last semester,
but I have hope that it won't be as bad this time, even with the same class load.
Which was, for the record, a pathetic 9 credits.
Not even full time!
Well...the school stuff was the least of my worries, so I think I'll be fine.
As I look back over the past few months, I see that Life was fragile and tattered around me.
I have never been in such a dark place and I hope it is a long time before I approach that again--if ever.
I have regained my composure and I am finally at a place where the anguish over Things Out of My Control has subsisded; I can now think of bro-in-law with fondness not tarnished by despair.
Mr. Lucky Star is HERE--
and let me just tell you: it feels fantastic to have a husband when you're married!
(I added the qualifier because I don't mean to insinuate that the only way to be happy is to have a husband...it's just that when you're married, but have no husband it is a particularly lonely and wind-blown landscape of Life....)
I have truly been sucked into the World of Warcraft...
I am a level 11 hunter now, and I am working on training animals.
I love killing stuff.
I think maybe I'll have to start a "Former WoW Widdow Turned Addict" blog.
Nah, it's actually easier to manage my time spent doing that than it is to manage my time spent blogging: I can sit down planning on only checking my email and end up spending hours reading blogs, but with WoW I know I am committing to a chunk of time when I sit down, so I always make sure to clear my schedule first.
...never fear, I'm sure this attitude will change soon and I'll be a blob of lard with carpel tunnel syndrome whose children are more feral than is healthy...
(yet another qualifier because, as we all know, a certain degree of ferality
I am doing an Isagenix cleanse right now...
It's a 2 day fast, basically, and then 5 days of eating mostly shakes and then another 2 day fast.
It is designed to detoxify you and recharge you with all the nutrients and minerals that you haven't been getting.
A few of my friends have done it recently and they have simply RAVED about the results: they feel better, lose a few pounds, and have all sorts of positive side effects.
I am most firmly NOT a believer in miracle drugs of any kind, but when people who aren't trying to sell me anything insist that it's FRICKIN' AWESOME, I can't resist.
I'll keep you posted.
Also, I had an epiphany last night while reading O magazine in the bathtub.
There was an article about weight-gain and something just clicked.
It was like a light switch went on inside my heart and electricity skittered through my whole body...
which is fairly dangerous in a BATHTUB, but somehow I survived.
Anyway, the realization that I had was this: I have been missing something in my life since I quit being Mormon.
And it's not religion--
I have thought about this off and on over the years since leaving "the church" and this time it finally hit me that a better fucking way to deal with my goddddddamn stress than EATING would be meditating!
It would at least help me sort through my thoughts, and be lower in calories.
I hate women who obsess over their weight as much as the next guy, so I offer my sincerest apologies for this, it's just that it's something I'm thinking about lately and I'm excited to have realized there may be a solution to my stupid-ass stress eating.
And I'm going to make workouts a priority again.
I love how I feel when I'm lifting weights on a regular basis, and cardio-ing.
(yes, that's a word)
Hot DAMN I'm glad nobody's reading this week!!!
Last night Becky (the non-blogger) and my hubby and I went to a new (to us) local bar for karaoke night.
It was a great little place with a very cool bartender and a lame-ass selection of songs.
We did The Doors' "People are Strange" first, and the dude had to restart it 4 or 5 times because he kept messing it up...that was NOT a great start to the song which turned out to be too low for Becky (who is the one who can sing).
Not too low for me, but as you may have picked up from that parenthetical notation, I CAN'T SING.
It was fun.
And when we got home the babysitters had cleaned up my somewhat trashed house!
The kids were already in bed when they got here, and I am impressed that they earned their money a different way.
We will need to go back for another karaoke night soon.
Maybe next time we'll bring our own music.
Hope you're all enjoying this lazy week!
Happy Ho-Ho-Ho to you!
No, I didn't choose that line for its questionable "ho" reference.
I chose it because I FUCKING LOVE Harry Connick Jr's X-mas CD and that song always cracked me up.
...because of its questionalbe "ho" reference...
eh, don't act surprised.
It's ME, after all!!!
Santa graciously brought my nudist children bathrobes.
It was rather unsettling to see them dressed so.
I had a line in my head about it...
a very Lisa line.
What was it?
Of course I can't remember now.
Something about jarring and disguised beauty?
To whoever tried to get my password to this blog last night:
"What the fuck??"
"Get a life!"
And other assorted exclamations.
Something happened yesterday.
It was the one year anniversary of my husband's passionate and turbulent affair with World of Warcraft, and somehow...
I managed to agree to play it with him!
My worst fears were realized as my excitement grew and my interest in life outside the Realm dissolved like sugar in water.
Now I have no way to nag him about his obsession because I UNDERSTAND it!!!!
This really blows.
I can't even begin to tell you how awful it is to have such a complete understanding for the joy and attachment that is World of Warcraft.
I named my first character "LuckyStarz" (the one without the 'z' was taken),
but then we moved my account to a different server and I didn't want to delete that one and reuse it, so I went with Lisana.
It is a tribute to Chris, who named the Queen of the Nightwalkers in the first Amorlia
He is a most gifted writer, and he named characters after all of his faithful readers, but I was a little partial to that one.
My character in WoW is a Night Elf, so I thought it was appropriate.
I'm a hunter.
And I'm a level 5.
Bring it on.
Ok, enough of THIS crap.
I have quests to go on, dammit!!!
I got slapped with a meme...
So here it is:
1. Three things that scare me:
-not being in love
2. Three people who make me laugh:
3. Three things I love:
-surprising people with the depth of my kindness
-staying up late and sleeping late
4. Three things I hate:
-getting out of bed, no matter what the time
-not listening to my gut
5. Three things I don't understand:
-the unfailing attraction that 99% of men feel toward bimbos/porn stars/material girls
-death as an absolute
6. Three things on my desk:
-giant stack of textbooks/notebooks
-a dictionary and a thesaurus (put there very recently because I suddenly lost my internal ones)
7. Three things I'm doing right now:
-repeatedly stretching my neck and back to relieve pressure
-singing the words to Pearl Jam's "No Way
" over and over in my head
-wishing for miracles...
8. Three things I want to do before I die:
-publish a book
-have a daughter
9. Three things I can do:
-make a perfect pie crust
-figure out how to make just about anything
10. Three things I can't do:
-let go of people I love
-be on time
-be bothered to "do" my hair/makeup
11. Three things you should listen to:
-the sound of a sleeping baby
-the sound of breaking waves
-the sound of inevitability...
12. Three things you should never listen to:
-the ticking of a clock...
13. Three things I'd like to learn:
-how to garden
14. Three favorite foods:
-all things dessert
15. Three beverages I drink regularly:
-diet coke(not regularly)
16. Three shows I watched as a kid
-Days of Our Lives (that tells you a LOT, eh??)
-Little House on the Prairie!!
Ok, so there ya have it.
I am allergic to memes, so I will not be passing this on.
Do it if you want to, though!
That was actually a lot of fun...
Happy December 22nd!!!
Is it Christmas yet??
I hope you're all having a great time preparing for festivities and participating in them, etc.
It is a happy time of year, but it can be a very stresful and difficult time of year, too.
Did I mention that I found my CDs?
...yes, that's sheepishness you detect...
I was reaching around under my driver's seat, looking for something else when--
There they were, stifling their laughter as they silently mocked me.
I can't believe I didn't even check under the seat!!
I am so glad to have them back.
It was still weird to know someone was in my car, but at least nothing was lost.
Except (maybe) my cheap sunglasses.
They're probably under the seat, too.
So I have this strange pain in my lower back...
and when it is aggravated it causes my...pussy to contract.
Sorry for the bluntness, but that's the best way to describe it.
It's not entirely unpleasant, for as you know, an orgasm consists of contractions, but it is not turning me on.
I asked hubby to fuck the strangeness away, but it didn't work.
It doesn't hurt, or anything, it's just weird.
So I looked up the symptoms on WebMD and it wouldn't even say what was wrong just flashed a big "seek immediate medical attention" warning...
What's strange is that my horoscope for last week said that if I had pain in my back or abdomen to seek medical attention.
I am tougher than all that jazz, though, so I don't think I will.
However, I will try to go see my dear massage therapist friend later today and see if she can put me back together, like a Humpty who's missing his Dumpty.
I hope I don't end up paralyzed.
At least then I would HAVE to write more!!
That wasn't funny at all.
But do you want to know what IS funny?
I'll tell you:
Q: Why don't Republicans need bookmarks?
A: Because they just bend the page over....
Ok, on that note, I'm off to finish up some X-mas errand stuff:
* return a gift I got for hubby that is way too big
* shop for the ingredients for 2 giant batches of clam chowder
* get candy for decorating gingerbread houses on Saturday
* buy a new coat for Max, who lost his last week and has been wearing a fleece and a sweatshirt in below-freezing weather...eek...and no, that's not christmas related, just annoying...and I'm sick of feeling like a slacker-ass, white trash mother for sending him out dressed like that!!
* buy the last 3 gifts on my list
I did, however, finish wrapping all the kids' presents last night while watching
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE!!!!
Oh, the joy!
If you haven't seen it, it is now on DVD, so please rent it and watch it and love it.
I got Talladega Nights for hubby and I am dying to open it and watch the "Saying Grace" scene over and over
I think it is very holiday appropriate...
Speaking of the Jeebus...
I'm sort of thinking I need to find a nice, low-expectations church to take my kids to.
I've heard the Universal Church is super groovy and allows for all sorts of beliefs to comingle, but I'll have to look into it.
I just...I sort of am realizing that I don't have the tools to teach my kids certain things without making it Christian based and I don't really know what to do about that.
My religious knowledge was a huge part of my childhood, and while I don't want to make them scared of such a broad range of "sins" as I was, I would like them to know that there's a god and a heaven and that if you lie/cheat/steal then you're going to burn in the fiery flames of hellish torment for all of eternity!!!!
Well...you get the idea.
"Time Out" just isn't a scary enough prospect for some things.
I am SO not above using jesus to scare Oliver out of his hitting phase.
Speaking of hell...
Ok, sorry for the wacked out post.
I will try to do some crack before I write again.
And I'll try not to permanently damage either my back or my sweet, beloved girl-parts.
Happy Winter Solstice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday, Bored Housewife Blog!!!!
Yes, that's right:
today is the 4th anniversary of the day that my original blog started!
I am homesick for that dear little lump of cyberspace right now...
You should go check it out.
I posted there...and there might be a few Braless Tuesday Favorites posted as well...Bored Housewife Birthday Bash
Have a happy day.
Thanks for hanging out with me, here in the ether...
Mondays are not Only for sissies!
Mondays are also for doing the Christmas shopping that should have taken place yesterday,
but was sorta snowed out.
Holy snow, bat man.
It was just gently falling--
for about 24 hours.
So that was annoying.
But at least I cooked my turkey and the rest of my little pseudo-Thanksgiving feast.
On Saturday we went to a friend's house for a christmas party.
We ended up playing poker, and hubby and I dominated.
Well...actually there was the guy who was eating through all our chips like cancer,
and I looked that rugby-playin' fool in the eye and said, "I'm your chemo, baby!"
And I was.
Well, ok, so my husband won more than I did, but that guy and I went head to head on several hands after that, where we each had the same hand (Hold 'Em) but I had the high card.
I actually felt kind of bad about it, but it was all in good fun.
I love poker.
I also did a Jager Bomb for the first (but definitely not last) time.
Wow, that was deeeeelicious!
Or maybe I just like Rockstar energy drinks...
I have so much to do today that I am already 4 hours behind and I've only been up for 2 hours!!
I am very excited to get out there and finish my shopping,
but I am terrified to go to the post office and find out how much it'll cost to ship a box to Maryland and a box to Maine in 4 days.
WHY DIDN'T I MAIL THE STUFF A WEEK AGO, WHEN I BOUGHT IT????
Oh, yeah, that's right....
because I am post office-ally challenged.
It's a handicap.
I should get a parking sticker.
They give those out for mental handicaps, don't they??
Ok, maybe not.
I think that I might even be able to get through this day of shopping without buying myself more than 1 or 2...or maybe 3....things.
I am really fucking pissed that Gabcast is not supported by stupidass Beta Blogger.
WHY DID I JUMP INTO THAT?????
Oh, that's right--
because I'm an impulsive, impatient fool.
Ok, time to shower and put on my walkin' shoes!
Material world, here I come!!
School's out for winter!!!
Somehow, doesn't have the same ring as the Alice Cooper tune, but the feeling is pretty much the same.
Minus the "I'm not ready for bathing suit season" regrets and the abundance of sun and skin everywhere...
But at least I'm finished with school for a few weeks!!!!!
That is what really matters.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to make decisions well.
I don't mean to say I'm having trouble making the "right" decisions, but I am just so terribly wishy-washy.
Yes, that's a technical term.
I never seem to know what I want, or maybe I'm just afraid of what I want.
I definitely feel a tad on the bi-polar side lately, but I would still say I'm somewhere in the range of normal.
I snort at such terms, anyway--
what IS "normal"???
I was looking up the mini-biography of Sylvia Plath today, in order to jog my memory about the name of her poet husband, when several details of her life struck me.
She was divorced at 31 and then killed herself.
I am 31.
While I'm planning neither of the above, it did make me blink hard.
Maybe I'm hurtling down that path a lot faster than I would like to admit.
And maybe it's a really long path, so even though I've been travelling it, I am still nowhere near that outcome and I have the power to take an off-ramp at any moment--hell, I can make my own damn off-ramps!!
Kinda like Sandra Bullock in Speed.
The first one.
There were no off-ramps of import in the cruise ship one.
Actually, I can't say for sure because I haven't seen that one...
And maybe...I just wish I was cool enough to be so angsty (as angsty as Plath, not Bullock--she's fairly stable for a celebrity).
I am no Sylvia Plath, but I want to be.
Just....minus the big Ds.
er...not my boobs...
Divorce and Death are the big Ds.
Suddenly I'm hungry for Eskimo burgers.
I am going to go dye
Well...only those of you who can't spell, or were having this read to you out loud.
I love the thought of my posts being read aloud for entertainment...
like in the old days when people sat around staring at each other all day...very boring.
Sorry, I guess the fact that I considered watching The Little Mermaid earlier today was enough to produce some semblence of a quote from it...
The point is, I want you to want me.
The other night I finally got to fly.
I have always known it was possible, and I finally got to do it!
My wings were different than I'd expected:
made of skin and muscle, not feathers or whatever the hell butterflies' wings are made of.
They were so powerful.
And I flew all the way around the world.
I flew up so high, into the darkness with the stars.
It was cold there.
And then I landed and my face was glowing,
and my friend knew where I had gone.
I was happy to be there but I didn't know what to see.
I'll need to research before I try flying again.
And no, there were no drugs involved.
Have happy weekends, all!
And be glad you're not crazy...
cuz sometimes the good kind of crazy goes bad.
I'm what happens when good crazy goes bad!!
Which reminds me...
I'm totally starting a t-shirt business.
I have so many funny ones, you have NO IDEA.
Final Exam Friday
That doesn't sound like a very fun regular feature, does it?
Good thing it's not one.
Just a quick post and then I'm off to review some poems and take the test.
I'm not that worried about it.
It'll be nice to be totally and completely finished.
On Wednesday night I was up until 4 in the morning and ended up with 2 hours of sleep........
It was worth it, since I was spending the highest quality of time with a couple of very dear friends.
And instead of going back to sleep, I went to the gym and then out to lunch and shopping with some other friends.
It felt so incredibly great to go to bed last night.
My brain is still a little foggy, so I better drink a bit of caffeine before my test.
Chai latte, methinks.
I feel like this post needs a bucketful of gravy poured over it!!
I had one of those awful dreams last night.
One of those achy and yearny dreams.
Including, but not limited to: my husband being uncharacteristically asshole-ish, some OTHER guy breaking my heart, and this intense little scene where I was harshly missing my brother-in-law.
I need to get going.
I hope anyone out there reading today has a great weekend.
Don't forget to finish your x-mas shopping!!
PMS is no longer suspected to be a fairy
PMS is a rash of rashness splashed across one's life.
But that's ok.
hormones find their own balance.
At least I now feel better about the mood swings of the past couple of days.
you'd think after 15 years or so of this SHITE that I would recognize the signs, eh??
So, take this next part with a giant grain of un-ground sea salt.
We were never meant to be.
The timing was always wrong.
a part of you took up residence somewhere in a far corner of my heart-shaped box.
...uh...no. How about in my box shaped heart?
Well, both, really.
But I was going for the metaphor of love-type things, not sex-type things,
and I think the early 90s called and they would like my song title-laced post back!!
Cheese and crackers.
I mean, FUCK.
Could I back up and try that again...?
You wouldn't mind riding along while I attempt to smooth out all the wrinkles in my thought process?
Well...not "all" of them...that ain't gonna happen.
We were never meant to be.
The timing was always wrong.
a part of you took up residence somewhere in a far corner of my mind, and probably even my heart.
You needed me so much more than either of us realized,
and you weren't ready for me.
Not at all.
I was too wise, too caring, too patient.
You didn't love yourself or know yourself enough to match up with me.
We were like a skeleton key in the ignition of a Mercedes.
...I'm the Mercedes in this metaphor, just so we're clear.
You would leave an imprint on my soul like the soot from a chimney, dark and soft...
and almost like warmth.
You would almost be right, in this moment or that, but then...
I would blink, and you'd be gone.
Timing is everything.
And I should stop using round pegs to fill square holes.
hey, will someone remind me to go take my final exam on Friday morning?
It's at 10:30, but I better remember to leave by 9:30 because parking will be a bitch and I'm so sick of being late that i just might shoot someone. With a camera. But still, it would be painful--I'd make sure the flash went off and that they were caught at their worst angle, double chins and all.
How could anyone think that the world is black and white?
There are so many exquisite shades of grey, that neglecting to acknowledge their presence is like pretending there is no ocean, no sky.
Lying in the warm water
with the bubbles piling thick and stiff around me
I let morbid and dire thoughts wash over me with the lapping of the liquid.
I tried to let my thoughts wander so I could figure out why I don't masturbate anymore.
did I just overshare???
It's an issue.
I guess I should save it for therapy.
But it really is disturbing.
I can't conjure a decent fantasy to save my life.
Or to save my thoughts from death, or save my thoughts from being of death.
I really don't think I wear this Mopey Sue hat very well.
I mean, HELL.
For all my whining over the last 4 years of this blog (ok, not "this" blog per se),
I have never felt this shitty.
And I'm sorry for being such a frigging weakling.
I have no doubt that I'll be bouncing back soon.
All I ever do is bounce, frankly, and we're not just talkin' tits!
I opened this page with the intention of writing something specific,
but the chattering child (who fell asleep on the couch at 5:30 and is now wide awake) distracted me.
I read something beautiful, written by someone beautiful--
from the inside right on through to the outside.
The most beautiful creature I've ever encountered, as a matter of fact.
So I read something, and a line of response-poetry trickled through me.
I need to invest in some good, sturdy, stainless steel traps for my mind, to hold such lovely little wisps of thought in place.
Nah...steel doesn't hold ether.
Tonight was a night for fading into
But I didn't.
I thought I would.
Reading those words anchored me...
They sliced through me, and let parts of me escape into the darkness.
They relieved the pressure.
Your knowing is so deep that it leaves scars.
Your smile is so real that it eclipses not just our sun, but all suns of all systems.
You are mighty, and I am...
not. At least not right now.
But I will be again.
I will dance across oceans and swim through thick swaths of stars...
I will land lightly, laughing
and you'll be there...magically and majestically.
The world will never know that its creators were disguised as us all this time.
Crap, my illusions of grandeur are showing again.
I have GOT to stop bending over in this mini skirt...
Well, there ya have it.
The fucked up and fucked down and fucked all around
contents of my head.
Trying out a new tool
It's a turn-your-blog-into-a-PDF Tool, and I'm very excited about it.
The only problem is that Blogger has now given me this stupid-ass Beta version, which seemed harmless enough at the time, but has left out one key thing: the ability to republish your entire blog.
Oh, if you go to the Help section, it shows you a handy little screen shot of where you will find the place to click.
When you go there, the button you need is not there.
It says to click on "Posting" and then there are supposed to be 3 buttons below that tab, "Create", "Edit posts" and "Status".
Instead of "Status" there is "Moderate Comments", which is SUPER convenient for me, since I don't use blogger comments!!!
If anyone has any insight, I would be very grateful.
I just realized that it may not be as simple as that...
I successfully turned one of my blogs into a PDF...
one of my blogs that I haven't switched to blogger beta!
I didn't have to republish it or anything.
fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!!!!!
I knew there was a good reason not to switch to beta.
Well, maybe there will be an update to the Blog Collector
Turns out my depression was testosterone-based
...as in, the lack of a testosterone-heavy male, present in my home.
maybe I just needed to get laid more!!!!
I'm kind of joking...
there were lots of things making the weight of the world lay heavy on my shoulders,
but somehow the world does seem a lot brighter with the man of the house actually performing "man of the house" type duties.
And I don't just mean SEX.
I mentioned that our garage door got left open (by the husband) on Friday night, right?
The realization was a little slow in coming, but I was
Whoever the punk ass little mother fucker(s) was/were, they took the bulk of my CD collection.
I forgot to check for that, because the CDs I listen to the most are actually stuck in the little pocket on the inside of my door.
But the 25 CD Case Logic thingie was tucked under the armrest (in a perfectly sized space on top of the useless-but-cool car phone).
It WAS tucked in there.
When I went out to look at the car, to check for missing stuff, I noticed the armrest was up, but I was thinking that I hadn't replaced the case after our trip to Florida.
It feels really weird.
Not only did I not realize they had taken anything right away,
but compared to what they could have taken it was pretty small.
It also pisses me off to a HUGE degree.
Mostly because I have a terrible memory so I'll never remember which CDs were in there...
Oh well; I guess I'll replace the most important ones, eh?
Otherwise, it's been a pretty nice weekend.
Lots of lounging, lots of lovin', and lots of family game time.
Yahtzee (or "Yockey" as Max kept calling it...), Sorry!, and UNO.
And junk food.
Did I mention the junkfood??
The best part is: hubby is finished travelling, for the most part.
And if he keeps up this Super Husband gig, we'll be coasting in to our 50th wedding anniversary before you know it.
I did a bit of Christmas shopping, too.
I know for some people that's a bad thing, but for me it is truly orgasmic.
You may have heard me mention that before...
shopping gives me a high, so what?
I even bought something for mr. husband to give me, today.
I couldn't help it.
I've sort of taken to wrapping my towel around myself after my shower lately.
I usually enjoy being naked for as long as possible, but it just feels so cozy to do that!
So, I found the softest, plush terry robe, knee length of course.
It is so soft...it's like wrapping a big ole teddy bear around yourself!
I will wrap it and act surprised on x-mas morning.
I don't care--I'd rather buy all/most of my own gifts anyway...
I know, I know.
That's the realist in me.
I'm a half breed, in case I've never mentioned that:
half romantic, half realist.
It's awkward sometimes, when we try to order sushi or stationary, but otherwise it keeps me balanced (or maybe crazy...).
I would rather have something I know I want than be surprised.
I hate surprises, anyway.
Speaking of surprises...
Happy Birthday to my first love, today.
I'm so glad you're home safe from stupid motherfucking Iraq,
and I hope you had a great birthday!!!
I can't believe you're so old!
Did I ever tell you about the time I made a wish on birthday candles?
The time it came true?
I will; maybe tomorrow.
I hate change.
But, we'll see.
This new version of Blogger seems ok.
The only gripe I have (so far) is that I have to sign in using a full email address rather than a short username.
Did you know that "sign-in" is a noun and "sign in" is the verby way to say it?
I think I'll start giving grammar tips...
to go with my grandma tits....
Just kidding. They're still as fabulous as ever.
In fact, sometimes, I halt all lovemaking-type proceedings in order to make that very observation to my husband.
I think our car was semi-broken into last night.
Well, my car.
And not exactly broken into...
Hubby thinks he left the garage door open because it was open this morning and two of my car doors and the back hatch door were open.
My CDs were still in it, but I haven't checked the back for the two big bags of winter wear my kids grew out of that I meant to give my friend last night.
I figured it must have been our kids, since no CDs were missing, but they SWEAR it wasn't them.
I'm inclined to believe them since they really haven't figured out lying and they have not yet put on clothes today.
...and I don't mean "they haven't changed from jammies to clothes"
....we're nude sleepers here in my house.
The males, at least. Gah.
Ok, so anyway.
I was just opening my "Bored Housewife Chronicles" file to work on the big book project,
and I hit "control" plus something and suddenly there are little paragraph "P"s all over the place and dots between each word...
I'm sure I'll figure it out, but it's really freaky looking.
And, no, clicking "undo" neither did nor un
You'll be happy to know that I found my sweet tooth again.
I thought I had found a solution, but alas, I had not.
Last night hubby and J and I went to see Becky's boyfriend's band play.
They are very, very good.
Clever guys, all.
They mostly do a great variety of covers--
from the Rolling Stones to the Violent Femmes to Nickelback ("Animal"...hubba-hubba) to this awesome version of "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" where they break into "My Humps" in the middle...a little Van Halen, Def Leopard, Matchbox 20, Sheryl Crow--awesome.
And they sprinkled in a few originals,
one of which has gained mention here before.
This was the first time we heard them play,
and was several months before Becky met her boy for real.
The song is called, "Cold" and it describes how cold it is with a list of some pretty funny shit.
"Colder than a blow from an eskimo whore" was the line that prompted me to call in an audiopost, but let's not omit, "Colder than hillary clinton's clit"--and the guy who mumbles, "yeah, I've heard you could get your tongue stuck to that, it's so cold!" or something.
Colder than the snot on a sled dog's nose
colder than the frost of a milkshake glass,
colder than the something on a polar bear's ass...
ok, so I still need to listen a couple more times to memorize it all, but I'm working on it!
They finally recorded a CD and I bought 2.
I'm really not sure why I bought the second one, but something didn't feel right about only spending 5 bucks.
I'm sure I'll find someone to give it to.
I think I"ll try labelling my posts.
They'll all say "potpourri" or "ramblings of a madwoman" or "no boobs today" or something...
that really might force me to think about what I've written, and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that.
Happy Saturday (or Sunday)!
Labels: grammar, tits
Well, well, well
I had something funny to tell you...
but I can't remember.
Has anyone noticed the pendulum of my emotions swinging fast these days?
While I'm trying to remember the funny thing, I'll tell you the Mormon story of the week.
Knock on the door, missionaries standing there.
Apparently one of my neighbors is sinning lately and sent them my way as penance.
Or hates me.
Anyway, they asked if I was Sister Anderson.
"No," I said, "I'm MRS. Anderson."
This makes me giggle like a whole car full of 13 year old girls!
And then they said they wanted to share their message with my family.
I explained that we were both raised Mormon but my husband is a "devout atheist" and that "I am, well...very much not Mormon."
"Oh," he said. "Well. I know this is the true gospel and--"
Smiling like a Stepford wife I cut him off.
"I'm sure that you do, and that's nice
for you. But, I happen to know that it's not
true, and that's pretty nice for me. Thanks anyway! Have a nice day!"
I was wearing this shirt and it's frickin cold out there.
I guess I'm wearing a bra in this shot...I thought I wasn't.
I have decided to cook a giant Thanksgiving style feast some day soon.
Who wants to come?
See, we didn't have a traditional feast this year and I just feel a sense of loss.
Maybe I'm projecting the inner turmoils of my sex-ay soul, but I do think I'll feel better about life if I order the 21 pound free range turkey from my milk man (they're offering so much fantastic, high quality shiz now! Organic produce, hormone free dairy, bakery fresh breads...mouth watering...dinner time....) and whip up a giant pan of mashed potatoes, a couple of pumpkin pies (the favorite flavor for all the men in my life), open a couple of cans of what should be nasty but isn't--cranberry sauce--and a sweet potatah pie!
Chroist, but that sounds awesome!
Oh, and I forgot to mention the stuffing and the gravy and the rolls...
fuck, man, fuck!!
Ok, it's on.
just a few people, I think.
I get too frazzled by large groups.
I'd rather have a quiet and leisurely meal.
And then get sloshed.
Still haven't remembered my story.
It had something to do with this morning.
maybe I was just going to report on my therapy session?
Something about campus?
Or something I heard on the radio?
Or something I saw while driving?
Fork, fork, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!
I wish I knew.
It probably wasn't even that funny.
I remember writing that fucking wrist-slit of a post below and thinking "oh...I should tell that story, it would make for a much better post..." but not having the motivation to do so.
Fuckity, fuck, I hate my memory.
Maybe if I shed the stress/anxiety/depressionistic paintings I've been carrying around my neck I'll get my memory and vocabulary back...
I bet I'll even lose weight!
Shit, if that's not motivation to make therapy my full time job, then I don't know what is!!
I did buy a new bra today and it is deeeeeeeeeeeeee
Soft and comfy and cleavage inducing.
Some cute black chinos, too.
Of course, they were in size "you're a fatass quit eating already", but as long as they look good on, then I guess I don't care.
I am buying everything in the catalog from my party last night, too.
So that makes me happy.
I get to have a marvelous new wine bottle opener--complete with the foil cutting tool!!!
You have NO IDEA how I've yearned for one of those...
and I'm getting two new pieces of stoneware--orgasmic, truly.
They have a citrus press which will come in handy for all those guacamole dips I make,
and they have a can strainer thingy that I imagine will allow me to eat tuna again...
what? I HATE getting that smell all over my hands!
And...there were a bunch of other things, too, but I can't remember them right now.
I love the pampered chef
like the daughter I'll never have!
Ok, well, I'm off to cook dinner for the kiddos, do their homework with them, and put them to bed.
Juuuust in time to cook dinner for hubby and I--
he'll be home!!
And he'll be here for a whole week, and then he's going away for two days and he won't have to travel again until after New Year's!!!!
So, Christmas tree selection time and better start shopping and yaaaaaaaaay!!
I just remembered the story!
It isn't really worth all the fuss, but here goes:
So I was thinking today on my drive into the city that I would stop wearing my nose ring.
After my appointment, as I waited at a stoplight, I checked my reflection.
My nose ring was gone!!
Fuckin crazy, right?
So, then I went to the store and picked up a few things and decided to snag a new nose ring.
Oh, sure I have others, but I've been wanting a smaller one anyway...
or to stop wearing it altogether...
When I got home, I stripped down and shovelled myself into lounge wear (the fancy term for sweats and the tight shirt mentioned above...remindme to add the picture)
and saw the missing nose ring shake out of my clothes.
But a kinda lame story, for all that fanfare.
I am a vacum lately...
and I don't mean that as a sucking joke of any kind.
I am just so empty.
But at least my horoscopes are accurate; that is somehow soothing.
And at least there are good times and good friends and lots of laughs.
I think I will always be looking for answers.
I don't think I will ever find them.
Maybe I should find new places to look...Overwhelmed.
That's what my new little therapist called me.
Yeah...maybe that's it.
I don't want to be overwhelmed.
I want to just eat what's healthy and give love to those around me and enjoy my life and be filled up again.
I am unravelling...
And my phone company (Vonage!!! WOOOOOT!!) just called me to try to sell me more stuff and
that guy had the weirdest accent/voice I've ever heard...
I'm pretty sure he was faking it.
It didn't sound like any regional dialect I've ever heard.
It sounded like a kid trying to talk like a cartoon character.
I am sorry for that grim opening.
I can't believe I'm feeling so down again.
Yesterday was great, and the party last night was great,
and when I arrived at my therapy appointment I felt great.
somehow I am thinking I didn't click with the guy.
Oddly, I got the feeling he wasn't listening!!!
A therapist who isn't interested in his client is a baaaaad thing.
On the other hand, I really talked a lot and didn't give him much room to fit any questions or thoughts in.
I will see him again next week and try to sink into it and let him guide me more.
Although he didn't seem to want to.
Like I said, I'll probably find someone else after that.
Where did that badass Bored Housewife chick go???
In which I am on a sugar high:
So, I had a paper to write last night,
and a test to study for.
But I didn't really do ANYTHING.
Not only did I not do my homeworky stuff,
but I didn't even do anything fun in place of it!!
What the fuck was that about???
I wonder when I’ll stop doing this to myself???
I hate writing these papers.
And, of course even more than that...
I hate NOT writing them!
I actually waited until this morning and planned on finishing it at the Chronicle newsroom, but apparently you need a password to use those computers and NO ONE was there.
So, I went to one of the campus computer labs, w
here I easily finished the poorly-done paper
and then realized that the only way to print it is to pay using your student ID card
which I had never put any money on because---------
I NEVER PLANNED ON USING THE CAMPUS PRINTERS.
So as I’m walking away from the computer
(thinking I would go back to the Chrony and try again),
a guy from class said, “Hey, did you just finish Cheng’s paper, too?”
We were currently 15 minutes late for class.
I smiled and said, “Yes, and now I just have to find somewhere to print it.”
The dear boy explained that you need a UCard and gave me his so I could print my paper.
I wanted to hug him.
Or something. Winka-winka.
Instead of That, I bought him a candy bar and some Lifesavers...
cuz he’s a life saver...dorky me...
Took my astronomy test, too.
Good thing I somehow had no earthly clue (hahahaa) about anything in the first 1/3 of the exam...
I must have skipped class that day...
I’m a really good guesser.
And he’s kind of obvious about his answers sometimes.
In further news, I got a call from my new therapist today,
and we scheduled an appointment for TOMORROW!
I requested a woman and someone who could see me over x-mas break.
It’s a guy who can’t.
Let’s hope he’s cute.
(heeeeeheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, oh that’s FUNNY!!!)
Can you tell I’m on a “I just finished all my crap” high???
I am now off to see the wizard, i.e. the store for ingredients for my party tonight.
Girls night got cancelled last night, which did not mean that I got my paper done or studied for astronomy, as you may have noticed.
I sat at this bleeeeeeping computer for hours just sort of staring at the material.
I think my brain is broken.
You guys are my sunshine(s).
I've been dreaming strange dreams lately
Tomorrow I will turn in a paper and take an exam,
and magically my semester will be mostly
Which is great timing because I'm having a drunken orgy of a Pampered Chef party tomorrow night.
Ok, skip the "orgy" part...
What's better than someone else cooking, while we all drink, and then getting to shop for my favorite indulgences??
Not much, that's what.
And maybe next semester I won't feel like I'm running on a treadmill set on 20 miles per hour and unable to find the off switch...
The weekend was lovely.
My hairdresser is a magician, I swear he sold his soul to the devil or something!
I'll post the pictures when I get them,
but he did the coolest thing to my hair for the fancy party I went to.
And while he worked on my hair, my friend put MAKE-UP on me!
It was like a was a real woman, or something!
He also cut my hair.
I like it, but it is a LOT shorter than it was.
This post is riveting, I know.
I will put us all out of our collective misery here and end this post.
Have a happy Monday!
It has been a beautiful day
Sunny winter's day.
The first day of December.
We have remembered my husband's brother well tonight.
They all talk so easily of him.
Pretty soon I will have caught up to him...
you know how people will say that if you're the older sister you'll always be older, etc?
I will now catch up to this man.
He was nearly 6 months older than I, so at some point in the next couple of months, I will have caught up.
His daughter is JUST like him.
almost 5, and smarter than her (quite smart) mother.
Scary shit, that.
I miiiight have wandered out into the garage when the youngest brother was smoking.
I feel like a leaf floating on a gentle breeze,
but really more like a glob of something dripping through a fluid........that sounds way more biological/physiological than I would like...I meant like a drop of heavier liquid being plopped into something like oil.
8 Miles High is playing right now....
watching the Big Lebowski on our giant tv to honor the fallen.
It was his favorite movie.
I should go watch it.
I am rocked off my socks.
my socks are far off in some dim and shadowy corner
and i can't type worth a shit.
most words are taking me like 3 tries.
not true....just every word on every line, no that's not it.
More like I have to write aout 32 percent of the words multiple times before they appear in the proper fashion.
But that's okee dokee.
I like feeling things.
I wish I could write about the thigns in my head.
like the accordian waterfall echos
Or the 800-minute second.
that corvette getting smashed to pieces.
who hates the Eagles??
Mighty man does.
He is way sexier than Mighty Mouse.
No, he doesn't hate them, I was just kidding.
he is apathetic, though, or possibly averse.
But I doubt he would go so far as "hate".
Each turn of my head is like a dozen crashing waves.
I am heavy
I want to __________
like an ______
but it would be easier if it was the other way around.
You are better equipped for it.
I wonder if that will make sense tomorrow.
I wonder if I'm typing as fast it sounds like I'm typing.
to be happy with this happy world I inhabit.
I want to dare to discard it.
I want to creat a whole new universe and set of Laws of Physics
i want to lick the tootsie pop that is this world, mother fuckers!!!!!!!!!
I want to be the queen
world, night, stuff