Can't think of a title to save my life. Dot com.
My kids' school just called.We were a few minutes late this morning and Max didn't retried his card from the office which meant they thought he was not there at all.
What gets me is the manner in which they make their "your kid's not here" call.
I don't know that I have a better way, but it seems rather fucking odd to call the mother of a 6 year old and TELL her that her child isn't in school.
They say, "This is blah blah school and we are calling to tell you so and so's not in school today."
NO SHIT, SHERLOCK.
I mean, today he's there, but if he really wasn't there??
I'm pretty fucking sure I would know about it, since he'd be here.
With me.
I guess in older grades they have to worry about kids skipping school, and there's always that minute possibility that they were abducted (by aliens or Larry-the-perv) but jesus.
Why can't they say something like, "We are making sure you're aware that your child isn't in school"??
Or maybe I'm just passive-aggressive.
Heavy on the aggressive.
Whatever.
So yesterday I had the most cluster-fucked car wash attempt I've ever experienced.
There is one drive-thru place in my immediate area that offers an undercarriage cleaning as an option and I was finally getting around to washing my dirty-as-a-whore-house-bathroom car after our weekend in the rural mountains of Idaho so I wanted it done right.
Well.
I forgot about that place until AFTER I had washed the car at a different place.
I was annoyed at myself for forgetting about that place (which I've never used before) until after I paid for a wash somewhere else, but then I decided, "fuck it. It's only 7 bucks. and I reeeeeallly need this car to be clean."
So I drove to the other place and pulled up to the little machine where you enter your code or put in your money and discovered it only took quarters.
Since I didn't have 28 fucking quarters in my purse I backed up and went inside to pay.
I'm kind of glad I did because otherwise I may have been screwed, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
So.
I paid and drove back over and entered my code.
The little light-up thingy said, "Drive Forward".
I did so, being lightly sprayed by the water as it prepped to start my wash.
Usually when the front tire is on a certain spot it switches to "Stop" but it never happened.
I moved slowly, carefully, but nothing.
So then I thought, "Oh, maybe it wants my back tire on the little thingy."
So I drove forward carefully, slowly, keeping my eye on the little sign.
It finally switched to "stop" but only for a second (still moving slowly and carefully) and then it told me to back up.
So I did
Slowly.
Carefully.
It then told me to drive forward again.
After a minute or two of fucking with it--
yes, slowly, yes carefully--
all the lights went off and the pitiful spitting water stopped altogether.
I drove out and went inside to get another code and try again.
The lady asked me if I backed up.
I explained what had happened and she said that a lot of people drive forward and back all the way out and drive back in and that turns off the machine, but she didn't think that what I had done should have triggered that.
So, she gave me a new code and I vowed to drive even more slowly, even more carefully this time.
And I did.
Oh so slow, Oh so careful!
And this time it never.
NEVER.
Told me to stop.
So I tried backing up and it, of course, turned off the machine.
So I went back inside and--with a smile--said, "This thing is starting to piss me off!"
She laughed and refunded my money.
But my newly washed and dried car now had a light spray of water covering it.
In effect, I had washed my car and immediately, deliberately left it out in a rain storm.
fucking god damn piece of motherless shit.
And just as a side note: eating does not go that well with blogging.
I mean, one-handed typing can be useful at times (wink-wink) but chroist.
This is ridiculous.
It practically takes the orgasmic pleasure out of eating, and we can't have THAT.
I might become an emotionally-healthy eater or something!
These strawberries are inexplicably perfect, though, and I can't stop eating them!
They may...possibly...be dipping themselves in a mixture of cream cheese and marshmallow fluff, but there's nothing I can really do to stop THAT. |
posted by Bored Housewife at
10:17 AM
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